Casual dating with herpes

Images of worst-case scenario, untreated venereal diseases were projected on the whiteboard, and we girls let out disgusted squeals. This is what happens when a penis meets a vagina, the presentation seemed to scream. Pictures of the clap danced in my head whenever I had penetration to consider, even in college. So I made a sort of ill-informed compromise with my sexual cravings: Like he had many times before, the boy from the party went down on me.

But then the next morning, it was swollen and worse. The exam room was sparkling and sterile; the stirrups cold. The nurse, a bespectacled woman with short hair and a slight waddle, delved into the center of my spreadeagle. A few latex-fingered pokes later, she emerged. This would surely go away in a few days.

That night, I told my roommate my wild fear: Overnight, a crop of red sores invaded me.

Hysterical, I called my nurse, who ordered a cab for me. My roommate waited outside. The nurse took a half-second look and sighed. There are fenced-in corners on the Internet for people like me.

People with herpes: How to go about casual sex

This was my future, I thought immediately after being diagnosed. Over and over again, my Google searches reinforced the burning shame of having herpes.

Herpes Simplex Virus in Depth / Alynn Alexander, MD

Even OkCupid had turned on my new quarantined clan. If I felt stigmatized by my computer, how many hundreds of exponents worse would it be to tell someone I cared about, face to face? She looked at me squarely, raised her eyebrows. I polled my closest friends, who varied in their advice. I get it, you were either just diagnosed with having herpes and you feel like your whole world is up in the air or you just broke up and now you are back in the dating game.

Regardless, it is scary and now adding herpes to the dating game is a whole new animal. I can remember when I was first on the market after finding out about my diagnosis.

People with herpes: How to go about casual sex – Best Herpes Dating Sites Reviews

I already had herpes for about 2 years before I had broken up with my ex and decided to get out there. All of the emotions ran through my head; will someone love me, Will someone even want to touch me, will I give it to someone, maybe he will have it too, how do I even begin to disclose.

What I realized is we put so much emphasis on herpes. I decided to take herpes out of the equation and go for it. At the end of the day what is the worst that can happen? They say that they are really not into you and you move on. Really look at yourself and answer this question.


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Have a clear idea of what you are after and what you want in return. Naturally, when the word sex is used we all turn into little kids. Sex especially herpes is not something we were educated in to have a productive, adult like, or normal talk. Maybe this is an ah-ha moment. Well, there is no reason why sex has to be involved unless in case you want it to.

I dated many many many men and never slept with them. Therefore, I never had to disclose to them that I had herpes.


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  • The beauty was I got to have fun without having to disclose my little secret or even let the sex complicate it. Or sometimes people just want to lay it all out on the table to weed out prospects.

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    However, you do have to tell them if you are going to expose them to it. I was with one person for about one year and six months while I had herpes. The day of our first date was actually the same day when I first starting sensing that something was not right. He gave me lots of support over the course of the next year as I grappled with my diagnosis. I am really grateful that I had him. I just think I got really lucky that he had my back as I navigated the health challenges — both the herpes-related ones and the ones that had nothing to do with it.

    When he and I broke up last January, the reasons had nothing to do with my herpes. But what I wanted to tell you about is casual sex, because I feel like it could give some hope to the newly diagnosed who are struggling. I am not dating at this point.

    The Perks of Herpes

    I am not really sure what I want in a relationship right now. I make sure to tell any men I meet that even if I am attracted to them it does not mean I want to get into any sort of long-term relationship. One guy asked if cunnilingus was okay and I said of course it was. One guy actually said he was surprised I told him.

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    Another guy told me that my telling him made him think I was trustworthy. He said it was pretty ballsy of me to be so upfront about it. None of them put up a fight about the condoms, and the next morning when we were sober they all still wanted to go at it again. It is so funny to think that two years ago I was sobbing to my best friend about how I would turn into an old, lonely, crazy cat lady.

    I thought I would never be able to have casual sex and that all guys would be terrified of me. I definitely understand that it is difficult to cope with because I went through that myself, but now I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can say that I have had a successful serious relationship as well as casual sex. I feel like my love life is about as normal as it gets these days. As a rule, I always disclose. I do it as early as possible, before we even go home together.